Hopeful

I'm feeling better today. I started taking the new medication this morning, and although the doctor told me it would start working immediately (not like the anti-depressants I take that take weeks and months), I was doubtful. But surprisingly, something in me feels different. In a good way.

And while I still realize that nothing has changed since yesterday, I feel hopeful. Not hopeful in that I'm expecting great things to happen. Just a switch from feeling hopeless and indifferent to maybe things could be better.

Optimistic.

Nemo came over to see Lucian again this morning. I hate myself for saying this, but I always was and still am a reactor to his moods. So when his mood is good, I'm good. When he stirs up trouble, I feel awful. I HATE that. And I'm trying to work on changing it.

We had a nice visit. Went for a walk and played with Lucian's toys. It's been good for me to watch their interaction. No drama, just a play date. I'm filled with relief.

There's a church sign I recently saw that said something like - blessings can't be received with a closed fist. It was one of those things that haunted me every time I'd drive by when I was clenching the steering wheel. Today I realized that through the miracle of prescription drugs, my hand was open. Ready to receive blessings.

Hopeful.