Lucian and I went to Nemo's workplace today and went out to lunch with him. It was undramatic, and dare I say bland? I drove home feeling that it had been a positive experience.
Months ago, I had made the decision that I wasn't going to supply Nemo or his family with any more photos of Lucian. They were always begging me for photos. I felt like - they own a camera, have access to stores that do photo processing, and a lot more funds that I have, why can't they take their own photos? Or offer to split the cost of a photo session? I know that I was being angry, petty, and cheap by cutting off the photos. But it also drove my point home to them.
Somewhere along the way, I've realized that I'm never going to get the apologies I want and deserve. They're never going to say what I want to hear. I'm working towards forgiveness (but certainly not forgetfulness). So today in a gesture of forgiveness, I brought Nemo and his dad each a photo: Nemo one for his desk, his dad one for their house.
The picture I selected was a really good one. I'm no professional, but I love to take pictures, look at pictures, get them developed. I love the whole process. I'm nostalgic enough that I realize that you have to take the photographs to have something to look back upon later.
I've probably taken over 10,000 photos of Lucian since his birth. A lot of them he's not even looking at the camera. But I've also gotten a few good ones along the way. One of which was the one I selected for Nemo and his parents.
Nemo's dad pulled the photo out of the envelope like I had given him an explosive and by pulling it out slowly he'd be able to react before the bomb went off. Then, to my amazement, he was amazed. He must have stared at the photo for a full five minutes. It was almost awkward how he was staring at the photo. He was full of questions, he wanted to know where I took it (my parents' front porch) and the camera I used (mine, that I finagled out of the divorce).
He never actually thanked me, because I'm sure that would blow his big scary guy cover. I knew that he liked it though and was impressed by it.
Other than that, nothing actually happened. And that's just fine with me.
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1 comment:
Wow - that was really nice of you. I'm really glad that you seem to be figuring out who you are, and not just reacting to the nastiness that you've been given. You're being great in a horrible situation.
I'm sorry that you seem to have long since stopped updating your blog - I hope it's because you are too happy (and too busy being happy)! Best of luck to you.
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