Feeling better

I love my new (prescription) drugs. While I'm still struggling in many ways, I feel that I'm rejoining my life, a little at a time.

I've been able to focus lately. It's feels amazing to really be content with a task at hand and not freaking out about what comes next.

I'm accomplishing much more than I ever used to.

Plus I feel like I'm not always coasting through the day, waiting for the end when I can go to bed. There are moments along the way that I'm enjoying.

The chatter in my head is slowing down. My obsessive thoughts are taking up less space.

I'm finding that things that would cause me great anxiety before don't affect me so greatly. I'm able to see these things as a temporary road block instead of a permanent one and I'm able to think more logically.

I'm starting to think that Lucian and I really will be fine in the end. I've been saying it, trying to believe it, but up until now, I haven't been able to convince my heart.

I actually feel lighter.

One of my pills keeps me in a constant state of dry mouth. Sometimes the thirstiness makes me question my blood sugar. It's a small price to pay.

Even my prescription copay, which I think is outrageous, is a small price to pay.

I'm nowhere near thinking all my problems are solved, or even that I hold the key to solving them soon. But I feel optimistic, hopeful, and more content in my own skin that I have in a long time.

Anything is possible. It feels good just to say it, and really mean it.