My heart

My dearest Lucian,

Happy Birthday - today you turned 2.

Two years ago you came into my life, but now I can't remember clearly a day that you weren't in it. Everything that happened to me before you came along seems rather empty. I wonder where I found joy? And hope and inspiration?

It hasn't been an easy couple of years for me. So much in my life has changed from the way it was, the way I thought it would be. You're being raised in a completely different (and way better) environment. I have often felt that you are the only thing that kept my head above water during the heartache in my life.

I love you more than I ever could have imagined. Did I ever even know what love was before you? While I was pregnant, I feared the unknown. Not knowing your other biological parent left 50% of you up to chance. That scared me. But from the moment I set my eyes upon you, I knew who you were: the light of my life. Even now, there's little I know about the other half of your genetics.

A few weeks ago, we went to a party, and you were the only one dancing. Twirling and marching, laughing and dancing your heart out while a crowd gathered to watch. I had a vision of what your grandmother was like as a child.

Every night, you have a bath, get your pajamas on, have a bottle while we read books, then you "march" to your room, grab your blanket and your pacifier that you lined up just-so on your dresser and put your arms out to be picked up so you can go to bed. You're so deliberate in your actions, following our routine with such precision, that we call you a mini-me version of your grandfather.

And when you smile! You smile with your eyes, just like me. I see my own reflection in your face. You have the charm of your uncle. When you flash one of your smiles, people melt and are under your spell forever. You have the sweetness of your aunt. A charitable, kind, loving disposition that I wish I had myself.

I'm just as fascinated by your genetics that I can't attribute to anyone. Where did your nose come from? Your defined jawline? Your huge feet? Every day it's like I'm unwrapping a present and I can't wait to see what's coming next.

I'm thrilled to be a part of your life. I consider myself blessed and too fortunate for my own good to be your mother. I am honored and humbled that in all the world of parents and children, eggs and sperm, that we found each other.

Today and everyday before and after, you are my heart.

Love, Mom