A kiss

Last night I dropped Lucian off with Nemo and his mother. I'm doing better about accepting the parenting time. Not great, but marginally better. I still feel like it's a waste of my time, but I'm accepting it, a little at a time.

Anyway, when my Mom and I picked Lucian up, Lucian came running to me, with a big smile and a loud - Ba Ba!!!! (for some reason he can't pronounce m's, so he calls me Ba Ba) Cruella leaned in and said - give me a kiss good-bye. Lucian then looked deep in my eyes and planted a big wet kiss on my lips. Then he smiled again and hugged me.

It was so wonderful. I can't even describe how elated I was. It was the purest joy of motherhood I've experienced.

Cruella has wanted to be Lucian's mother since the day he was born. I know this probably sounds a bit paranoid, but it's the feeling I've gotten from her from day one. She has tried to tell me what to do, and then she's gone and done her own thing, rather than listening to me. Every chance she gets, she undermines me. She has tried to get Lucian's attention away from me. She's actually pried him out of my arms several times.

So that one kiss, it makes everything worth it.