Seeing the light

Read the first part here. And the second part here.

Elvira was at my house for probably a half an hour. Her friend that had called me earlier, came in the house too. They wanted to go upstairs to see Lucian. Nothing else shocked me more than that. I told them that no way was I letting strangers up to see my son at 3:00 am. (still to this day I can't believe the gall that those two had.)

I asked Elvira what had brought her to my house, and this is what she told me: Nemo had broken up with her that morning, right after they had been intimate. I couldn't believe it, as he had been planning to come home for days, all the while still seeing the girlfriend. Among other things, I felt used.

She then showed me a text message on her phone that was from Nemo. It had been from the previous day when he had been having dinner with me at his parents' house. It said that he loved and missed her and would be with her shortly. Seeing it in writing made me ill.

Finally, Elvira and her friend left. (by the way, I thought that both of them were probably high on something.) Nemo and I sat down and had a talk. I was sick. I was repulsed by him. Disappointed and sad. I couldn't believe that my life had come to this. Sitting with my estranged husband in the middle of the night discussing his high, str*ipper girlfriend. He was still lying to me. Still wouldn't admit that he had done anything wrong.

When I asked him why he had slept with her when he was trying to make an effort to return to our marriage, he said - it's like when you quit smoking and you want to savor your last cigarette. I was so offended by that statement, I didn't even know what to say.

He left for work early that day. When I later saw his phone bills (that I had subpoened), he made a phone call to Elvira the moment he left the house. So much for wanting to get back together with me.

I was incredibly angry. I'm not a drama queen. I don't throw tantrums. I'm not evil or vindictive by nature. I briefly thought about throwing his clothes out on the lawn or changing the locks. But really, what would that have accomplished? I'm still angry. I'm trying to work through it, but it's hard. Mostly I don't know what to do with my anger. Nemo has said to me many times since - can't you just get over it? He doesn't get it. His brain is probably fried from the drugs. But he also wasn't the one lied to, manipulated, cheated on, or humiliated.

Sometimes the things that seem to be the worst thing can turn out to be the best. After I got over the shock of it all, (and that took me a good week) I started telling people and it was cathartic. Elvira did me a service. I found out alot of information that night that I didn't know previously. I had known my marriage was ending but I didn't understand the basics. After that night, I couldn't deny it any more. It hit me over the head. I saw the light. I opened my eyes. I could start fighting for my new life and my child's.

The truth can set you free.