Patterns

Have you ever noticed a pattern in your life? My Mom has found a pattern in mine, which I can't seem to figure out.

I had a best friend in high school. Let's call her BF#1. We were inseparable for most of our freshman and sophomore year. During one of the spirit weeks, we even dressed as twins. I've always been a person with many different friendships, but most of my energy at the time was focused on her, BF#1. Sometime during junior year, something happened. The friend who could finish my sentences was gone. She went almost completely goth on me and cut her hair so short you would have thought she was a boy. I never understood what happened. To this day, I don't know, but I do have some theories. (most of them involve some sort of abuse.)

In college and in my early post-college years, I had BF#2. When I first met her, she overwhelmed me. She was a dancer and came from a "perfect" family. (my family has some perfectness too, but hers was sticky sweet.) She ended up being someone I could really count on. We were just as comfortable hanging out just the two of us, being with either of our families (I even went on a cruise with her family), or going out with friends. I stood up in her wedding, and then she stood up in mine. She had her first baby right after I got married, and before my infertility (which means: I wasn't at that time projecting any of my sadness or anger onto her). She drifted away from me to the point that we're now almost strangers. I do still get a Christmas card from her though.

And then there's Nemo. Which you know all about.

I'm certainly not saying that these two friends were like my husband. It's not the same sort of relationship at all. But, it does seem that all three of these people shut me out of their lives, with no explanation. To my knowledge, I've done nothing to offend any of them. I've even gone so far as to ask other family and friends their opinion. They don't get it either.

In the meantime, I've had other friends. Arista, because I've spoken of her. I had nine bridesmaids in my wedding, because I didn't feel I could cut anyone out. I even had two additional people who turned me down. So it's not like I don't have friends, or know how to be a friend.

Maybe relationships just come and go. Maybe you're not meant to hold onto friends or husbands forever.

Maybe no one has wanted to tell me that.