I have to admit, there's another reason that I've stayed away from my blog. I don't like some of the feelings that I have, and I hate to whine about things. Or at least, I hate to whine excessively about the same stuff over and over. I'm of the school that feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are. So although I don't like them, I try not to beat myself up too much, I try to work through them. But I hesitate mentioning them here because I'm afraid of other's comments. (so I've turned them off on this post)
Take today for example. Lucian and I went to a birthday party for one of his preschool friends. It was lovely and we had a great time. There was a woman there who just rubbed me the wrong way. But then she got to telling how her husband is out of the country on a work assignment for the summer. And how. her. life. sucks.
Immediately, I think, at least you have a husband (and he sounds rather nice), and he's. coming. back. Of course, I didn't say that. But there's a part of me that wanted to. I'm just jealous of her and sad for myself, and I hate it. Normally I'm not walking around feeling lots of pity. I really even like my life. But I'm easily offended by people who complain about things: he doesn't pick up his dirty socks! he works long hours (to support the family) and I never get to see him! Stuff like that.
I hate these feelings that I have. Maybe it's just that I'm not that kind of person who'd be complaining like that. I'd be more likely to say - my husband's gone for the summer and I miss him and it sucks, but it's only for 3 months and I'll live through it. Maybe I should have said to her - my husband's gone forever, and I miss who I thought he was, but it's only the next 14 years that I have to co-parent with him, and I'll live through it.