Friday, April 07, 2006

Birth, part 2

My parents arrived at the hospital around noon the day after Lucian's birth. Nemo was MIA. I was still on the magnesium drip so things were pretty foggy.

The doctor came in and talked to me about Lucian's circumcision in the morning. My parents came around noon. My Mom couldn't believe that I still had not seen or held the baby. She found out that because of the magnesium drip, they wouldn't let me have the baby on my own. So she went to go request him.

Nemo's family showed up. They went to the nursery to look at Lucian through the glass. Surprisingly, they didn't ask where Nemo was. You'd think they'd have wondered why he wasn't at the hospital with his wife right after having a baby.

My Mom by this time had Lucian in the room. She passed him to me, but I couldn't hold him long. I couldn't focus and I could feel that I just wasn't right with the drugs. So mostly my Mom held him.

Nemo showed up around dinner time, just as his parents were arriving. He played father of the year (the first of very many times) and then left right after they did.

On day 3, I was finally able to get out of bed. It was a real struggle. I had slept with my bed in the seated position because it jostled my stomach less. Every time I moved, it brought tears to my eyes.

The nursery brought Lucian to me. A friend of mine came to visit, and held him. When she had to leave, she handed him to me. I didn't know what to do. I was stuck in bed, holding a newborn. Luckily, my parents showed up and held him. When they left around lunchtime, I was afraid to get back into bed because I knew how painful it was, so I sat in a chair all afternoon, holding Lucian and watching him sleep.

Surprise surprise... Nemo showed up around dinnertime again. My family arrived and so did his. Nemo was acting smug, and even lay in my bed for a good portion of the evening. I was so offended at that small gesture. After a few hours, everyone left and we walked Nemo back to the nursery.

When we got back to my room, I had been given a roommate. Nemo sat on my bed and told me that he thought he wanted a divorce. I was not completely shocked, as his behavior for the previous nine months had been erratic and troubled. I still thought at that point though that he was going to turn things around once the baby was born. He left me crying in bed where I ached with every breath I took. I sobbed quietly while my new neighbor joyfully celebrated with her family the birth of her new baby. It was a moment that troubles me still. I should have been celebrating mine too.

The next morning, the doctor came in at 6:00 on his rounds. I convinced him that I was well enough to go home. I'm not sure how I pulled that off. I called Nemo at 6:15. He didn't answer the home phone. I called his cell phone, which he reluctantly answered. He asked if I could call him back in an hour. Excuse me? What kind of person isn't excited his wife and new baby are coming home from the hospital?

I tried to call him several more times that morning, and he never answered up again. The nurses came in with my discharge papers and instructions. I dressed Lucian in his going home clothes. And I waited. And waited. And waited. I watched Regis and Kelly and Martha Stewart. Nemo's mother and grandmother showed up. They had no idea where he was. He didn't answer their calls either. My parents said they would pick me up, but they didn't have the car seat, Nemo did.

Finally, around 11:30, Nemo showed up. He said he got there as quickly as he could. Five hours later? He wasn't even showered when he arrived.

He drove like a maniac on the way home. Every bump in the road cut me like a knife. I was still in a great amount of pain from the c-section. I asked him to slow down and he said, "I can't control the state of the roads." He was driving 50 in a 35, not even trying to make it more comfortable for me.

We arrived home and my sister was there. Nemo's mother and grandmother also came with us. We walked into the house, and it was a disaster. I had left everything pristine, as I knew that I wasn't going to be in any shape to clean when I got home. Nemo had had a party while I was in the hospital. The floors and counters were sticky. The blender was out, wine glasses and beer bottles were scattered. I freaked out. Nemo's mother, Cruella, started cleaning. Like it was normal to come home from having a baby to a disaster. Like it was acceptable to have a party while your wife is alone in the hospital.

I went to take a shower while Cruella cleaned and everyone played with the baby. When I entered the room, I saw that my bed was unmade. I knew at this point that Nemo had not slept there, even though he had claimed he was. I pulled the covers back a bit to find semen stains. I was shocked. At this point in my life, however, I didn't know what to do with the information that I had. I was confused. I also didn't want to believe the worst.

I called Nemo to the room. First, he tried to tell me that it wasn't semen stains in my bed. Then, when he realized that that wasn't working, he told me that he didn't know who it was that had had sex in my bed. When I asked who had been at the party, his answer was "a bunch of people". He swore that it had not been him but wouldn't give me any more information. We argued, but it was pointless. I sent him out of the room, so I could go take my shower. In the bathroom, I also found used feminine products in the trash.

I was so overwhelmed by everything in my life: a new baby, a diabetic pregnancy, a husband who was confusing me with every word out of his mouth. I'm not a drama queen; I took my shower and filed the information away in my mind to deal with another time.

It was about 9:00 by the time everyone left that night. Nemo showered and got his bar clothes on. Throughout my pregnancy, he had been promising that he would be there when the baby was born, and now he was leaving again.

We argued for over an hour. He said that he just couldn't stay with Lucian and me. I was hysterical. I was in a great deal of pain, and I couldn't believe that he was going to leave us on Lucian's first night at home.

Callously, he left. I called my Mom because I didn't know what to do. She doesn't like to drive, but drove over at 11:30 pm to be with us. She knew that I needed the help.

I then went upstairs, put Lucian in his crib, and went to change the sheets on my bed. I was embarassed that my Mom might see. I still thought that Nemo might clean up his act and be the husband and father he should have been.

But that wasn't going to happen.

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