Old house

I was looking at some photos today and it pained me to see the photos that were taken at my old house. The house that Nemo and his girlfriend (and God knows who else) still occupy. Nemo and I built the house together. Chose the cabinets, the paint, the tile. It makes me sad because I loved that house.

I loved to watch the sunrise from the kitchen window, and the sunset from the living room. I loved my bathtub. I loved Lucian's room. I loved the coziness of the family room. I loved our trees in the backyard. I loved the parties we had in the basement. I loved that it was mine.

I have painful memories too. Of sobbing night after night trying to figure out what was going on with my husband. Of being six months pregnant and running down the driveway trying to get him to talk to me, when I thought he was going to run me over with his truck. Of waking on Christmas morning with my one month old baby screaming and being unable to track down my husband. Of his girlfriend standing on my porch at 3 am wanting to see Lucian (that's another story).

Funny that the pleasant memories are all about me, while the painful ones all in involve Nemo.

I was a prisoner there from the time I filed for divorce until it was final nine months later. Nemo used to come and go as he pleased during that time. Even before Lucian was born (when he was still coming home) he'd show up at 2:00 or 3:00 or even later in the morning. I was a prisoner then too, I just didn't see it clearly. Anyway, I never quite knew when Nemo would show up. I used to jump everytime I thought I'd heard the garage door.

I wanted to move out a long time before I actually did. I stayed for alot of reasons, but mostly because it was my home.

Now it's just a place that I once lived. After all the heartache, I can't believe that I'm upset about missing my tile floor. I miss having a loving husband too, but the tile was always faithful to me.