Greater purpose

Like many others who suffered from infertility, I prayed and prayed for a baby. At first, I had a lot of hope. And then two years and three IVF's later, it dwindled. But I still prayed. Until I eventually got mad at God. I never stopped talking to God. I never stopped praying. I still thought He was there, I just couldn't figure out where my suffering was leading. I couldn't see the greater purpose.

Then I got pregnant with Lucian. And the world around me fell apart. I finally saw the greater purpose.

Many people have told me that maybe Nemo wasn't supposed to be a father, and that's why he was (basically) sterile. I don't believe that. What I do believe, is that Lucian is the child I was meant to have.

Don't get me wrong - I loved each of the embryos we had created. I mourned their loss. I mourned the loss of Nemo and me as biological parents together. I thought of those embryos as potential children with hopes and dreams of the people they'd have become.

But Lucian was the one who was supposed to be here in flesh and blood. He was the one sent here to save me, in so many ways.

My faith was tested. My happy ending is not quite what I thought it would be. But really, it's even better, because I have Lucian. And he is so amazing.

I still don't know what the future is going to bring. But this time, I have faith that it's all going to work out as it should. God has a purpose here for us, I just can't see it yet.