Thursday, June 22, 2006

Anxiety

I believe that I've always had some anxiety. I think it's just my personality. I was an anxious child, an anxious teenager and an anxious adult even before I met Nemo. But the past two years have caused my anxiety to skyrocket out of control.

I feel anxious everytime I get the mail. It used to be worse, when I was living at my (our) old house. I would get bills that couldn't be paid, credit cards with scary withdrawals, and documents from my lawyer that I was scared Nemo would find and open before I'd have a chance to see them. My heart would race in my chest feeling like I would explode. My head knows that there is no rational reason for this. I mean, it's just the mail! What is there to be afraid of?

I also jump everytime the phone rings and when I check my e-mail. I'm anxious everytime I turn onto Nemo's parents' street. I've gotten much more obsessive compulsive about the doors and windows being locked and the shades drawn at night too.

I'm getting better. None of these things bothers me quite like they used to. I'm less likely to be holding my breath while my e-mail loads. I'm a bit calmer. But not like I used to be. I fear that the lack of trust I have in the world will affect me forever.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi there. I came across your blog via a comment you left on Art-Sweet's.

I can empathize with the anxiety bit. I found that regular exercise helped me take that edge off a little bit. That and this fantastic blueberry tea, though I think that has very little to do with alleviating anxiety and more that I like the taste so much it keeps me calm.

I'd like to link you from my blog, Six Until Me.. Take a skip by and let me know.

Good luck,

Kerri.