Anxiety

I believe that I've always had some anxiety. I think it's just my personality. I was an anxious child, an anxious teenager and an anxious adult even before I met Nemo. But the past two years have caused my anxiety to skyrocket out of control.

I feel anxious everytime I get the mail. It used to be worse, when I was living at my (our) old house. I would get bills that couldn't be paid, credit cards with scary withdrawals, and documents from my lawyer that I was scared Nemo would find and open before I'd have a chance to see them. My heart would race in my chest feeling like I would explode. My head knows that there is no rational reason for this. I mean, it's just the mail! What is there to be afraid of?

I also jump everytime the phone rings and when I check my e-mail. I'm anxious everytime I turn onto Nemo's parents' street. I've gotten much more obsessive compulsive about the doors and windows being locked and the shades drawn at night too.

I'm getting better. None of these things bothers me quite like they used to. I'm less likely to be holding my breath while my e-mail loads. I'm a bit calmer. But not like I used to be. I fear that the lack of trust I have in the world will affect me forever.