Battling obsessions

I've been seeing a therapist for about a year and a half. In January, I added a psychiatrist to the mix when I just couldn't handle things on my own anymore. Since then, I've been on medication for both depression and anxiety, which has helped me immensely.

In the past couple of months however, I've noticed some other things. I'm not sure if it's having a mental health team working with me that has brought these things to light, if I've just started developing symptoms, or maybe I'm just going crazy in my old age. One way or another, I seem to be alot more obsessive compulsive than I was previously.

My therapist (who I adore, by the way) thinks that my obsessive qualities stem from diabetes. Always having to be prepared, that kind of thing. My psychiatrist believes that obsessive compulsive traits are genetic. My feeling is that my life situation has triggered my obsessions, which maybe I was able to deal with easier before, when my life was a little less problem-free.

You wouldn't know by looking at me that anything was wrong. (and I'm probably generalizing or stereo-typing here) You wouldn't know I was a diabetic either, so there you go. I'm not at the end of the obsession spectrum, definitely more towards the middle. I do have routines and rituals but they're not obvious. For example, I'm not washing my hands hundreds of times a day. Now that's a big stereotype.

What I do is get something stuck in my head and can't let it go. And it's not usually of the good variety, like something positive. I get stuck on things like Nemo winning custody of Lucian, blowing it all out of proportion until I'm sick with anxiety. Mostly this happens to me at night.

I'm a very logical person. I live in the world of rationality. One of the hardest things for me is that I know alot of my feelings are irrational. I'm completely aware of it, yet I can't help being taken over by them at times.

Last week my therapist wanted to me to recognize that I'm being obsessive. To think about how different things would have been if I hadn't obsessed, just let life happen. Dare I even go there?

This week my psychiatrist agreed. She suggested I read some books, but forgot to give me suggestions. Anyone have any? We changed and added some medication. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it helps.

Because right now, I feel like I can't help myself.