My parents are gone many weekends. My Mom is an artist who sells her wares at local art fairs. My Dad helps her out. Although they return in the evening, they can be gone anywhere from twelve to sixteen hours a day during these particular weekends.
I need a break from my parents, so these weekends are refreshing in the fact that I have the whole house to myself and Lucian and I are just able to hang out by ourselves. (Let me just say here that my parents are both wonderful, tolerant people who rarely get on my nerves. And I believe that the reverse is also true - for the most part, they enjoy having me around.)
It's been a long, long weekend for me - I haven't left the house in many days due to Lucian's illness. He's feeling better, but he's (probably) still contagious, so I won't be taking him out for a few more days yet. So here I was today, home alone with Lucian. We played with what seemed like every toy in the house. We're both stir crazy after so many days cooped up in the house. We watched all his train videos for the 4,849,305th time.
The only break in my day was when Nemo stopped over. Because of the holiday, we negotiated a different time, so that I could get Lucian to bed early. And because of Lucian's illness, Nemo agreed to come over to see us. Basically the only difference was that he watched the train videos with us and we (Lucian and I both) showed him that we know the names of all the different trains. (Even the ones like Mavis and Diesel, who look alot alike. Go ahead, quiz me.) All in all, it was a pleasant visit.
Nemo left, and I put Lucian down for his nap. I've been carrying around loneliness since. I'm not sure what spurred it on. Maybe it's just a general feeling I've had lately. That I'm utterly alone in the universe. And I know that's not true - I have lots of friends and family around.
I'm not ready for the dating scene. I'm not ready to go through all the trouble of finding someone I'm compatible with. It sounds like a completely overwhelming task to me. And yet, I'm not sure what the alternative is. Be alone forever?
I'm just in a sad, lonely mood right now. I'm anxious and restless.
My parents will be home soon, so I'll have some adults to talk to.
I feel like I'm whining alot lately. I'm hoping to snap out of it soon. I'm visiting my psychiatrist tomorrow. Maybe she can help.
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