The godfather drama

I consider myself spiritual, but not overly religious. I was raised Catholic, and while I'm not attending church every Sunday or necessarily agree with all the Catholic teachings (women priests, abortion, family planning, homosexuality, etc), Catholicism is so ingrained in me that it's still my organized religion of choice.

That being said, I wanted to have Lucian baptized. Nemo agreed, although I couldn't get him to commit to anything for months.

Nemo's parents, being of the all-talk-and-no-action sector of Catholicism, started pressuring Nemo to have Lucian baptized.

As an aside note, after Lucian was born and I was in my drugged up with magnesium bliss due to the pre-eclampsia, my Mom was so worried about the state of my marriage and what would become of Lucian (she saw him as being in the crossfire), that my Mom baptized Lucian herself. Technically a baptism can be done by anyone. Usually though, the only reason you wouldn't have it done a bit later is if the child is in physical danger. Later, the priest asked me if Lucian had been previously baptized (guess the Catholics don't want to accept you if you're already spoken for) and I said, yes, by my Mom at the hospital. I couldn't believe it, because the priest nearly turned me away. I explained the whole Nemo situation, and he relented.

So back to my original story. Nemo's parents pressure Nemo. Nemo pressures me. We couldn't agree to who should be Lucian's godfather. Nemo and I had an unspoken agreement that my sister would be the godmother. Nemo in return wanted his brother to be the godfather.

I had a huge issue with this, as Nemo's brother not only knew about Nemo's relationship with Elvira, but had supported it. Very openly. While I was home gestating, Nemo was cheating on me with the str*pper, and his brother was part of the party. (Because really, who is more fun? A huge pregnant woman or a str*ipper who supplies you with drugs?)

Nemo and I got into many screaming matches. He just couldn't understand why his brother wasn't good enough. I explained to him that I wanted Lucian's godfather to be someone Lucian could look up to, someone who could possibly help him through a spiritual crisis.

I don't particularly care for Nemo's brother - he's immature and sneaky. He hasn't spoken a word to me or looked me in the eye in over a year and a half now, since I confronted him about knowing Elvira. Why would I choose someone for my son to look up to who doesn't repect me?

I gave Nemo a few suggestions on men I would agree to. Nemo was set on the fact that it had to be someone from his family. So I gave him three choices, two of them his family members and one was Arista's husband. He agreed to his cousin's husband. Then I planned the baptism.

I thought the drama was over with until one day I dropped Lucian off at Nemo's parents' house. Nemo and his dad were at work. Nemo's mother, Cruella, was there alone. Apparently she had just learned about our godfather choice and she was mad that we hadn't chosen Nemo's brother. I explained that we thought that CH (cousin's husband) was the best choice.

She blew up at me. Got in my face and started screaming at me - how could I do this to her family? (uh, CH is part of your family) what is wrong with her son? he deserves to be the godfather, he's Lucian's uncle! he's Lucian's blood! (little did she know that none of them were blood) and on and on and on... This was in my pre-therapy days. I've since learned to stand up for myself and not let my mothering be undermined. That day, though, we had a fifteen minute screaming session that ended with me leaving in tears. Still, I couldn't back down.

It was so absurd. I've since taken note when I attend baptisms and find out who the godparents are. I've never seen any other grandparent have an issue with who the parents chose. It's still unbelievable to me that Cruella thought she was within her jurisdiction to dictate who we should choose.

As it turned out, CH has been a good choice. He wrote Lucian a beautiful note on his baptism day. He also gave generously and thoughtfully. He has taken an interest in Lucian's life, and makes an effort to give him little gifts. (not that I ever get them. Nemo keeps them all at his parents' house) But still, it's the thought that counts.

My sister couldn't make the baptism. She had had a vacation planned for months, and since I waited until Lucian was almost six months old to have him baptized, he was already the oldest baby and I didn't want to prolong it another month. Plus, I wanted to solidify the godfather choice.

My friend Arista stepped in as the proxy godmother. It was awesome because now Lucian has two godmothers, two very special women who care about him completely.

And one godfather, who wasn't my first choice, but fits the bill nicely.