Lessons from my grandmother

My grandmother is not doing well. She has cancer. It started in her breast, but has metastasized in her liver. About six months ago, she was given between six months and three years to live.

She's made six months, but I don't know how much longer she's going to be able to fight it.

I haven't been very close with my grandmother. That's not to say that I haven't wanted to be close. GM is not someone who has close relationships. It makes me sad because my other grandparents, who have been dead quite some time, were involved in my life. And this grandmother has had so many opportunities, and she's dying alone. I have tried to reach out to her, visited her, brought her meals, but it's very one sided.

GM has six children, fourteen grandchildren, and eleven great-grandchildren. I don't believe that she's even met all the great-grandchildren. It disappoints me tremendously, even more so after suffering from infertility. To have a big wonderful family and not be involved, well it saddens me. So many others would give anything to have a family like hers, and she's almost completely removed from it.

For so long, I removed myself from children and people with children. Infertility was incredibly painful that that's all I could do to save myself. I was bitter, and unpleasant to be around. It's scarred me, and still affects me, but I'm much more pleasant to be around after having Lucian in my life.

Now that I finally have a child of my own, I couldn't imagine not embracing him and his children. I don't want to miss a second of his life. My parents either. They also know what a blessing we've received in this child, that every moment counts.

GM is a nice lady. She causes no harm to others. She's not demanding or inconsiderate, she doesn't want to get in others' way. But at the same time, I've never seen her passionate about anyone or anything. She misses birthdays and skips weddings. She never asks questions about what's going on in your life.

But boy oh boy, is she missing out. And I think it's such a tragedy.