Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Is winter over yet?

Recent happenings, in bullet points to keep it simple.

  • I am pleased to say, that after my post 10 days ago, for the first time today Lucian did not ask for his pacifier. Hooray! (For the time being) I can stop worrying about his crooked teeth, and without the guilt of breaking his heart.
  • It's been cold and snowy and icy for much too long now. We've been cooped up in the house and I'm stir crazy. The sun finally came out today and that helped a bit. I've been finding myself eating more and dreaming of napping all day long. Actually, I'd probably be happy if the temperature got above 20 so we could go outside. (I even have snowpants!)
  • Speaking of eating more, I'm so discouraged about my weight. I have gained about 25 pounds since moving in with my parents over 2 years ago. And we eat more healthy meals here than I ever used to make for myself. So what's the problem? I'm eating at night. Bad things, mostly peanut butter. I know it's horrible and I beat myself up about it daily. But I can't find the power within myself to stop.
  • My best friend, Arista's mother died recently. She suffered through a long illness so it wasn't a surprise. It's made me think a great deal about my own parents and how precious our time is. I'm so grateful for every day. And at the same time, I'm depressed as hell.
  • Lucian has hit the point in his language development where he questions everything. I mean, everything. Today he asked me how the sun came out. He wanted to know where all the cars on the road were going, specifically. And what's the name of the person who lives in that house there? A few weeks ago in church, he said loudly - Momma, where's God? I want to see him! I never thought that I'd be having religious discussions with a 3 year old.
  • Which brings me to Nemo. Things are fine, in case you're wondering. Lucian has asked me where daddy's going when we leave Nemo's parents' house. I'm not ready to tackle it yet, but sooner or later he's going to ask about Nemo's house and how come he's never been there. Or why he's never been in his car, or anywhere unsupervised with him. I'm definitely feeling a little more trusting in Nemo than even a year ago. But not entirely. And as much as I like where things are at, I still see the lying scheming crazy person that was him and may still be there. As I said, I can't think about it.
  • Before I get too obsessive compulsive, I'm going to go to bed. I've got a new Maeve Binchy book awaiting me, and I'm excited to dive in.

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