Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Ultrasound

When I was 15 weeks pregnant, I learned that I would be having an 18 week ultrasound. I was told that if we wanted to find out the sex of the baby, that that was the ultrasound that they could tell us.

I asked Nemo when would be convenient for him to go. I thought we could get the first appointment in the morning so that he wouldn't have to miss alot of time at work.

He informed me that he couldn't go. He was too busy at work. What?

This was the day that we would find out if we were having a son or a daughter, and he couldn't go? He had gone in late plenty of other times, and missed entire days without problem. The kicker is that Nemo works for his dad. My ex-father-in-law, Jabba, has been very unkind to me since the divorce, but at that time was very supportive of the baby and me. (At the time he thought the baby was his biological heir too so that could be part of the difference. Oh and the shame of divorce that I've brought upon their family, let's not forget that. Because there's no shame in your married son dating a str*ipper and leaving his wife. Just ending the marriage is the shameful part. But I digress...)

I spent a week in turmoil. Should I go to the ultrasound alone? I was embarrassed that my husband didn't want to go with me. When I told friends and family about the appointment, everyone was so excited, and all I felt was dread and humiliation.

So I went to his mom, Cruella. I told her that Nemo wasn't going to go. She laughed at me, and said that of course he was going. Nemo and I had had serious conversations about it, repetitively. I used all my persuasive powers and had been unable to convince him. I begged and pleaded and he still told me he couldn't go. Cruella called me the next day and said that Jabba said Nemo was going.

I made the appointment. Nemo said to me later that it was all a joke and that of course he was planning on going. I didn't think it was funny. Nothing in my life was funny. Not the fact that he was gone all the time, lying to me all the time, or manipulating me all the time. It was exhausting.

By the way, the ultrasound went great. We found out that the baby was a boy (obviously). Nemo wore his shocked face the whole way home. Deer in the headlights. I think that day it really hit home that a baby was coming. One that he felt wasn't his, and didn't really want.

And, he was only an hour late to work that day.

1 comment:

Lassie said...

Hi Stella, I found your site through Tertia and just wanted to pop in and tell you how much I enjoy your blog. Your experiences are riveting and very well written.
Thanks for sharing, Danielle