Brittle

I've been called a "brittle" diabetic more than once in my diabetic life. I hate the word because to me, it implies a lack of control, of doing something wrong.

Basically, brittle refers to being unstable and unpredictable. Both words which still define my diabetes.

For example, about two weeks ago, I was having difficulty lowering my blood sugars. I was doing everything humanly possible: corrective boluses, changed infusion sets, changed insulin, was being more meticulous about carb counting, and nothing seemed to be working. I was suffering from high blood sugars after most meals. I also thought about things like exercise, different foods, and hormones. I could not attribute the high blood sugars to anything.

Let me just add here that I'm not a good carb counter. No, that's not right, I'm a good counter, but I'm an even better guesser. I've had all the classes and meetings with dieticians, only to find that my innate sense of bolus guessing is better. I do not recommend you try this at home. But it works for me. Please don't tell my doctor.

So after having all these issues a few weeks ago, I was nearly doubling almost all my boluses. A meal that I might have previously guessed 3.5 units of insulin, was now requiring over 6.5. I couldn't figure it out.

Then, as you may have guessed would happen, whatever was causing the problem, stopped. And stopped dead in its tracks. I have since resumed my lower level of bolusing and it's working just fine.

Whenever I bring my numbers to the endocrinologist, he looks for a pattern. I have not been to medical school, so I'm not discounting his opinion, but I am pretty analytical, and I've come to the conclusion that there is no pattern. There's no rhyme or reason for most of my blood sugars. Hence all the guessing.

In the six years that I've been on the pump, my A1C's have ranged from 6.0 (lowest) to 7.0 (highest). That includes IVF's, pregnancy, divorce (stress). So I must be doing something right.

But it's still incredibly frustrating.