Parenting time

I hate Nemo's parenting time visits. Because I have no choice, I'm complying with the court's wishes.

(And for anyone considering a divorce, in the US that is, the family courts are very pro-father right now, even a sleezeball father like Nemo. Not that I think you should stay in a marriage for the kids. I'm just saying, be prepared. This is not your mother's generation of custody battles.)

So Lucian and I are heading over to Nemo's parents' house again tonight. The visitation is only two and a half hours. And I have no reason to think that Lucian is in any physical harm. Which is a good thing. But I worry a lot about his emotional health.

Here are the reasons I hate it so much: (besides the obvious that I just don't want him with Nemo)

1. The time is not good for me. I must either go out to eat, eat early, or eat late. It gets expensive to eat out. I guess I could pack myself a dinner, but I'd still need to find somewhere to eat it. And then I need to find something to do for two and a half hours. Let me just say that I've done everything there is to do within a five mile radius of their house.

2. The time interferes with Lucian's bedtime. I normally put Lucian to bed at 7:00. He is an amazing sleeper and sleeps twelve to thirteen hours at night. However, on these nights out, he doesn't get to bed until almost 9:00. Which means,

3. I pay for it the next day because Lucian is exhausted. Sometimes he'll make it up during the nap the following day and be less irritable by dinner. But often the following day is a struggle for me.

4. I must drive Lucian and pick him up. I feel like a taxi service. Gas prices are outrageous and it adds up too.

5. I'm not able to make plans because Nemo is not predictable. He has to give me 24 hours notice of a visit, which helps. But I still can't plan my week until the last minute. It's also hard to fit plans in a two and a half hour block. I wish that I could go see a movie or something, but it would never work.

6. I have to see Nemo and his family, and some of the family can be rude. In general, Nemo is okay, it's the rest that treat me like I'm the one who did them wrong. I'm always posed for a fight which does not help my anxiety at all.

I've explained before why I won't let Nemo drive. It's still out of the question at this point in time. I haven't seen any changes in Nemo's behavior that promise me my son will be safe with him. But most people wonder if I could change anything about the schedule and make it more convenient for both Lucian and me.

I'm afraid to rock the boat right now, because I can tolerate this schedule, as much as I hate it. At some point, when I have a job, or a life, things will have to change. I'm afraid of that day. I'm afraid of letting Lucian go. I see Lucian as being part of me, and I'd no sooner chop off my arm and hand it to Nemo.

This part of my life really sucks. I'm going to have to bring some positive energy to my thoughts. Because this parenting time stuff depresses the hell out of me.