Therapy

I took Lucian with me to see my therapist. I knew that it would be a complete waste of time because we'd both be paying more attention to him, than to my issues. But I did it anyway, because I wanted her professional opinion of him, and also because I wanted her to fall in love with him. Just in case there comes a time when I need her professional services in a court. (I know this is extremely paranoid of me, but I feel better being overly prepared.)

Both things happened. She told me that he's doing wonderfully. Talking more than expected, bigger than expected, great motor skills. Like a proud mother, I ate it all up. Through all of this mess in our lives, my son is thriving. Plus she fell in love with him a bit.

Lucian has this smile that makes you feel like you're the only person in the room. I've often been told that I smile with my eyes and he inherited the same ones. When he smiles, his face lights up. He pulled out the charm big time. She left the room briefly and he called out - doctor! doctor! doctor! until she returned. How could you not fall in love with him?

My therapist still thinks that I'm letting Nemo control my life too much. That my feelings are often based upon when he calls or doesn't call. She also thinks that I need to face the music that Nemo is Lucian's father, albeit not a very good one. (My nickname for Nemo is the court appointed babysitter.) I can't stomach the thought of calling Nemo father, after the way he abandoned us. I'm working on accepting it, even if I can never bring myself to use the term.