Pregnancy and babies

You'd think that I'd be over this by now, but I wonder for how long infertility will take its toll on me. I wonder if I'll still be bitter when I'm an old woman with fifty cats. Because I've already decided that I'm most likely becoming a spinster. A bitter spinster with cats... How cliche is that?

I've been pregnant, I've had a baby. I have a child, who is a ton of work. So much work that it wipes me out at the end of the day. (alright, I admit it. I'm wiped out by lunchtime.) I'm not really ready to take care of another baby, even if I could.

So why is it so hard for me to be comfortable with other's pregnancies and babies? Once the baby becomes a child, I have no problem at all. It's just the maternity and newborn stage I have a hard time with.

I wasn't able to enjoy my pregnancy the way I wanted to. And even though, in theory, I can get pregnant easily, have a wonderful sperm donor, can stay pregnant, and have a healthy baby, I can't take advantage of all of those things.

I wonder how many kids I would have chosen to have, if anything were possible? Two, three, four, or more? I can almost taste the freedom of choosing for myself. Almost.

Ironically, even though our diagnosis was male factor, I'm the one carrying the scars of infertility.

Please let me know if you know of any cats that need a good home.