Panic attack

Last week, I mentioned the party that Nemo would like Lucian to attend.

After I told Nemo that I would bring Lucian, I asked him if there was a specific time frame that he had in mind. He e-mailed me and said that he'd be there anytime after 2:00.

I then went to considerable effort to change my plans for that day. My amazing friend Arista said that she would go shopping with me that day. Since this party is not close to either my house nor hers, we made a plan. A plan, which by the way, could not include a nap for Lucian.

I e-mailed Nemo to tell him that I would have Lucian there from 2:00-5:00. I thought that he would be happy, or at least satisfied that Lucian would in fact be able to attend on a day that wasn't his, and a location that is normally out of the question. That would have been too easy. He responds to me and asks if Lucian can stay until 7:00.

Keep in mind that Lucian's normal bedtime is 7:00, and that's when he has a 2-3 hour nap. Keep in mind also, that Nemo has never spent five consecutive hours with Lucian either. Oh yeah, and part of my plan change, was to go out with Arista and her family that evening.

This happened yesterday. It seems ridiculous to me now, but I started to panic. I had to take some of my anti-anxiety medication. I didn't want to say no to Nemo because I'm afraid of future consequences. Nemo has shown no interest in returning to court, but he's such a smooth talker that the thought of going to court scares me. It motivates a lot of my actions. The courts are very pro-father right now.

In the end, I e-mailed Nemo back and explained how I had rearranged our schedules to accommodate his original request. I told him that I was really trying to work with him (in spite of him being a horrible person, husband, and father).

Today he responded that he was trying to work with me too. All that worrying, and I don't think he even gave my response a second thought.

Remind me of that the next time I'm panicking.