Saturday, July 01, 2006

The trip, part 2

See part one.

I had no idea what to expect from a month with my mother-in-law. I either figured that I'd leave loving her or hating her. In the end, it was a bit of both.

From the moment I stepped off the plane, I was having major stomach pain. I think I've suffered from IBS for most of my life. My stomach has been a mess since I was a very small child. The only way that I've found to relieve the shooting, burning pain is to lie down and sleep it off. But Cruella wasn't buying into my pain - I think she thought I was making it up.

I cried my eyes out the first day when I realized how emotionally tough it was going to be. Cruella was going to manipulate and dictate me. We arrived at the house after traveling thousands of miles, being dirty, exhausted, and me with my stomach ache. All I wanted to do was lie down, but Cruella had other plans for us: lunch with some relatives. It was agonizing to eat. And with the time difference, my body was expecting breakfast, but we were eating lunch.

I don't want to drag this story out so I'm going to briefly summarize here how our days went. We either:

got up, went to the beach for ten hours, had dinner with relatives, and stayed out late,

OR

we got up, had lunch with relatives, had dinner with relatives, and stayed out late.

I get bored very easily and even with my plenitude of books, all those hours at the beach drove me batty. The meals with the relatives were a burden too because I couldn't speak to anyone, and Cruella didn't want to translate for me. It was horrible being trapped at someone's house for hours on end listening to the conversation but not understanding. I finally started bringing my books and crochet with me to entertain myself.

One night, we left early after having dinner with an aunt. Cruella was aware of my stomach issues, and I was having a particularly bad time that night. I thought we were on our way home when I noticed that she wasn't heading in the direction of home. She told me that we were going to visit her sister. I insisted that she take me home. She didn't like the idea of me being alone, and was disappointed that I wasn't going to go with her. If I had been with my own mother, she would have insisted I go home and take care of myself. Heck, she'd have gone home and taken care of me herself. But this is the way Cruella is, it's all about how things look, not how they really are. She threw a fit that I wasn't going with her to see her sister. I couldn't believe that she didn't want to leave me at home alone for a few hours.

Other nights I was doubled over in pain at someone's dinner table. One afternoon I spent a couple of hours in someone's living room while she got a manicure and pedicure. Another day she pinched me at the dinner table, so hard that it left a mark. Many days she'd drag me to distant relatives' houses. I think she enjoyed playing the part of the American who did well now coming back to her roots. I think she liked to show me off too, but also to keep me in my place.

The trip wasn't all bad. I got to see my mother-in-law in a whole new capacity. I did love her, and I learned a few things on how to deal with her. I got a tan for the first time in my life. I did a lot of thinking, where I came to the conclusion that I wanted to have a baby through any avenue. I read a lot of books. I played a lot of solitaire. I felt more comfortable in my own skin than I had in a long time. We even did a bit of shopping here and there, which were my favorite times.

I had high hopes of really seeing the sights and doing all sorts of touristy things. After all, if someone came to visit my hometown, I'd really want to show them around. Take them to all the best places. I did get a good feel for the culture though. I was really immersed in it and that alone was the biggest learning experience for me. It changed me, in a good way. I see the world from a whole different perspective now. I had traveled before, but never for such a length of time, and never immersed in the culture so much. It was a gift, and one that I've kept with me.

I was never so happy to be home. Even today, years later, I'm still thankful. Thankful to be back where I understand the language. Thankful to be close to my friends and family. Thankful for my American Diet Coke. Thankful to be suffering with my IBS at home. But mostly, thankful that I had an experience, and that it's over, never to be repeated again.

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