E-mail from Nemo

I know I'm going to take some heat from saying this, because if I was not in my current situation, I'd probably feel the same way. I really want Nemo out of mine and Lucian's life. This is not news to anyone that has followed my blog.

Nemo has turned into a bad influence that I don't want my son to be around. He's treated me awful, and Lucian too. Lucian just doesn't remember. And I really don't think that Nemo has turned his life around in a positive way. He is showing more interest in Lucian lately. Which I guess would be a good thing for most dads to show, however, I believe that he's setting Lucian up for a fall.

Today I received the following e-mail from Nemo:

I have a question. Do you plan on not letting Lucian call me dad? I feel I am his father and it would be nice not to have you or your family undermine that. I know you will tell him i am not biologically his dad but in all other aspects i will be! I love him and only wan the best for him. i know i hurt you and you feel betrayed! i can not go back and change things. i can only make a difference in the future. if i could i would go back and make things different! I am sorry!!

On Friday when my Mom and I picked Lucian up, my Mom told Lucian to say good-bye to Nemo. She didn't say - say good-bye to your dad. Obviously, Nemo noticed.

I wish that Nemo actually meant those things that he said in the e-mail. But he lies all the time. What this e-mail boils down to is that he wants to look the part for his family. I'm sure what happened was that Nemo's dad noticed that my mom didn't call Nemo dad, and said something to Nemo. (could you follow that?)

I feel torn. I still can't call Nemo Lucian's father. For so many reasons. None of them have to do with the fact that Nemo isn't Lucian's biological father. They are not even because Nemo treated me badly. It's because he's treated Lucian badly. I mean, what kind of father chooses to leave his newborn son the first night he's home from the hospital for a str*ipper? What kind of father disappears for ten days when his son is only a month old? (at that point that was a third of his life that he missed) What kind of father doesn't greet the child when he arrives home? What kind of father won't stop smoking in the car for his child? What kind of father has to be pressured by his parents just to spend time with his son? Really.

I've wrestled with this before, and never came to any conclusion. I knew that sooner or later Nemo would notice that I've never called him anything in reference to being a dad. I still don't feel that those words can leave my mouth.

I don't know how I'm going to respond to this e-mail. If you have any thoughts, please comment. I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of - I'm going to let Lucian choose what to call you, you big jerk! Maybe I'll leave out the big jerk part.

In the long run, I realize that I'm holding onto this and the only person that's it's bothering is me. Nemo is Lucian's legal father and there's nothing I can do about it.

Sometimes I really hate the circumstances I'm in.