I'm still alive

I've been terribly busy lately. I've been thinking a lot about posting, but haven't had the time or energy to do it. Especially to do it without sounding pathetic, depressed, or God forbid, like I'm throwing myself a pity party.

So in no particular order, here's what I've been up to:

1. Selling things on the famous auction site that I won't mention by name. I've sold a bunch of Lucian's clothes. Not that I'm really making any money with all the fees they charge, but even a few dollars means something when you're jobless, right? Plus I'm getting rid of some clutter.

2. I chopped my hair off. I've had long hair since 8th grade, when I had a horrible "boy" cut that I detested. After that, I never had the guts to cut it short. I've been feeling for awhile now that I need some kind of change, any change, just to prove I can do it. So I did it. Seven whole inches. Now my hair is just a hair (ha ha) below my chin. I love it. I feel like I've lost ten pounds. (Nemo used to like my hair long, which was another reason for doing it.)

3. Lucian has been talking nonstop. Something just snapped in him one day. He's now repeating everything. And naming everything. He likes to take a roll call. At dinner, he'll go - Papa, Gigi, Mama, Oy (which is what he calls himself. I'll say - where's Lucian? And he'll say - Oy! and point to himself. And then I'll say - where's Oy? And again he points to himself.) If I ask him who's here, he names us all plus the pets. It's a riot.

4. My new medications are working well. One of the new ones I'm on is helping with my obsessiveness. I'm finding that things that would upset me before aren't bothering me quite so much. I'm not reacting quite the same way. I'm spending a fortune on doctor's bills and medications, but I don't care, because I think there might actually be an end to the fog in my head.

5. Nemo asked me about the holidays and I didn't freak out (much). We came up with a plan. One that I can live with. Have I mentioned that Nemo has been MIA for Lucian's first two Christmases? This year he's suddenly turned into Father Christmas.

6. Lucian's birthday is coming up. I wasn't able to do anything for his first birthday due to circumstances and finances. I'm having a party to which I haven't invited Nemo or his family. I feel wonderful about it. I still can't afford to do much, but that's okay. It will be a party nonetheless.

7. I think I've mentioned before that my Mom is an artist. The holidays are where she makes the majority of her income. I've always helped where I could, which is to say, not very much. This year, she's doing something that my left brain can participate in. Every night that we're not too exhausted, I've been helping her. Hopefully she'll make lots of money. I think helping her has helped me mentally focus too. Helping other people is always more helpful for yourself. Words to live by.